Playing for Henry

Lately all I can do is play for Henry.

The first time, which was so unforgettable, was at the hospital, just a few hours after Henry made his transition. I walked in with Alexandra and Mark Nickens, after Dre told me to "get here as fast as you can," and we heard the news that he had already passed. But Jim still wanted us to drum for him. This was the first time EVER that the hospital agreed to allowing drumming - and in the ICU to boot.

Henry, my beautiful Henny Honu beautiful, spiritual soul mate was lying peacefully on the hospital bed which was now flat. All the machines were pushed away. It was an
incredible feeling of resolve to see him without those stupid machines. Jim said he had pulled the tube out himself - "As soon as I left the room, he pulled it out," said Jim. "He always did things when I wasn't there. He always waited for me to leave."

Henry's last words were something like "I didn't want it like this" (before pulling out the tube). I think Jim wasn't there to hear them, but the nurse told him about it. I wonder if Henry said anything else before he passed...I think he tried to take a couple of labored breaths and then he just floated away - well, that's how I see it anyway - I'm sure everyone's interpretation is a different color. To me, Henry's spirit is green and brown and red and gold. But mostly green - bright green.

Myself and a few other rhythm workers played, so softly, with just the tips of our fingers. we played Mendiani, we sang "Roots" and "Air my Breath." I had been singing these two songs to henry while he suffered on the breathing machine the night before. I had told him how much I loved him and that we would always be together and not to be scared. I'm certain he WAS scared, though. That's what hurts the most - that he could not express himself (hence, "i didn't want it like this.")

In the middle of our playing, I took a shaker and came to his side and started shaking it vigorously, up into the air, with tears falling fast onto his body. I lifted my hand into the sky and shook for his spirit. For the love in my heart that will always remain. And I touched his heart with one hand, my own with the other.

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The first time my inner self released something, the first time the deep sadness could come out appropriately, was at Dance Place, on a Saturday, maybe that Saturday but maybe the one after that...it's very blurry. The men I drummed with were excellent. The dancers were full of joy and energy. The place was hot and full of energy. I played and played, until my hands bled, which felt good, and right somehow. I lifted my face to the sky and played and felt Henry.


More recently (Sunday evening 12/9/07) I was lucky enough to be part of another Cabaret led by Lady Dane. The AfroBlue Collective is what we're called - Dane's backing band. It was my first time playing without Henry. There was a lot of emotion, even though we were in a recital hall at Catholic U, which was very different from our usual spot at Mimi's. But a good 20 or so folks came. I played and played - congas on either side of my djembe - I played for Henry and for Jim who was there. And for Dane, who was going through a transformation before my eyes, with each song, interjecting jokes to ensure things stayed light, enough. Considering the circumstances. Our first time playing without Henry in the flesh. I brought the incredible piece of artwork my mom painted of Henry a few years ago - we put it in a small classroom and then went out to get supplies for the show. I didn't know it until the end, but the painting stayed in that little room the whole time. It never made it into the recital hall.

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It's good - to have music in my life and people to play with - even better to have people willing to humor my sophomoric song-writing skills and help develop a piece as tribute to henry, my once lover, forever soul mate, eternal love. He even said so once, in an email, he signed it "your eternal friend and love." I think of that now for comfort.


This Friday again I will play for Henry. The words to my song - "Peace Honu"- are below (Honu - pronounced "Who Knew" is Henry's spirit name, it means Serene Turtle). For once I actually developed a decent melody to accompany them - luckily Mark Nickens (www.msawbe.com) and Katy Gaughan (www.musichealsus.org) were around to piece together chord progressions and a basic rhythmic structure. My old friends the Rhythm Workers are joining me in performing this on Friday night - Dec. 14th - at the Foundry Church at 16th and P Sts NW. The event, organized in part by my old friend Jay Marx, is a Washington Peace Center awards banquet. It's a banquet activist-style - a potluck. Pay $10 bucks (or less if you have to...or more if you want to...) and hear my song for Henry.

Come.


PEACE HONU


So full of a raging need
I came to your city
And I was sickly
From my heart’s own poverty

I looked right into your eyes,
Prompted only by your smile
Soul love at first glance
Though I knew you couldn’t be mine

I knew only
Your generosity
Your openness and understanding
I was amazed by your brilliant heart and mind
You surpassed all my sense of space and time

The deep sadness I felt
Melted in your warm embrace
And now I can’t think of anything
But your shining face, so…

(CHORUS)
Have Peace Henry
Your love set me free
Have Peace Honu
I know how to be me
Our love, henry
Stays in my heart so deep
For as long as I’m alive
And still when I finally sleep


I knew you might go before me
But love knows no boundaries

I know sometimes were so hard…
I couldn’t give you all of me

Sometimes it scared me…
Passion I thought I’d never see

I never knew, that through all of it
You’d just keep on loving me

(BRIDGE)
So full
Like a mountain you were to me
So there
Never imagined you wouldn’t be
Now I
Search for you in the moon and trees
Wishing I could touch you the way you touched me

CHORUS

I think of our work now
So many hours of love

Building a movement
In rhythm and struggle

You wrote me many songs
But I never shared my own

And now I would give anything just to
Sing you this song…So…

CHORUS (altered)
Have Peace Henry
Your love set me free
Have Peace Honu
You’ll always be with me
Have Peace Henry
Our love is so deep
For as long as I’m alive
And for eternity

(CHANT)
Honu
Serene Turtle Strong Spirit
My Warrior My Soulmate